We Need To Talk About Cake.

With the return of ‘The Great British Bake Off’ marked for just one week’s time, the nation prepares, once again, to be swept away by the controversy of stolen custard, fallen signature bakes and soggy bottoms.

Over 10 chaotic weeks, a dozen culinary geniuses throw themselves in to a frenzied explosion of hemp flour and lavender extract, leaving no space for simple fairy cakes or shop bought white bread. There must be something patriotic about a picket-fenced marquee in the summer drizzle, when combined with 2 hilarious judges, a mischievous presenter/comedienne duo and a batch of bakers ready to prove themselves (obligatory baking pun!)

You just have to embrace the melodramatic turmoil of bakers poised at oven doors waiting for the exact moment to whip out their creations, baked to perfection. This heightened sense of panic does nothing but draw you further into the depths of a patisserie-induced addiction. Once you’ve fallen down that sugar-dusted rabbit hole, there’s little hope of escape. (Unless you can fashion a ladder out of goats cheese bread sticks!)

In this state of battenburg-based disillusion, we suddenly find ourselves deeply involved in the drama of Kimberly’s burned macrons or the accidental salt in John’s puddings- in the words of a friend of mine on watching last year’s finale, ‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I CARE SO MUCH?!’ Without noticing, we’re cheering on our favourites and screaming at the monitor when they stir the caramel to early. This culminates in week-long cravings for gingerbread coliseums and marzipan polar bears; quite unfair for students who own no more than 2 bananas, a jar of marmite and a packet of instant ramen!

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